WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
