omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
