when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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