How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
