I skipped work to stalk him.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
