Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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