her vagine was all disorganized.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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