Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
