he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
40s are totally the cure
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
