dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
