Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
