I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
