I puked a lego.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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