One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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