walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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