I hate your face
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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