Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
