I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
