then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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