3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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