Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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