I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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