brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
