I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
