I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
