My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We got so high we made milksteak
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
