Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize