Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
