So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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