what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
