I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
