As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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