He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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