He kissed a someone with a penis
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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