Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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