you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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