No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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