she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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