I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
