So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
