He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
