Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
