Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
MIDGETS
????
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
