Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'

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(636): View more from Missouri

12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities

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(239): View more from Florida

Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?

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(951): View more from California

All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.

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(515): View more from Iowa

She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.

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(512): View more from Texas

dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore

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