did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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