I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
