so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
