Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
