thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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