At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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