Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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