There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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