Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
