I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
