All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
