i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
