You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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