im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
