shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
