this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
