I skipped work to stalk him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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