Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
