i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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