Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize