u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
