I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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