Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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